Dec 222012

No Hamilton? No Problem.What, no crying kid videos because Josh Hamilton bolted for Anaheim?

Oh no, we Ranger fans have to be better than that right? Instead of posting videos of our kids crying, we are going to post pictures of us burning everything Josh Hamilton related. As if burning a $100 jersey wasn’t enough, let’s just take a picture of us urinating on the jersey in the toilet, which will show Hamilton what kind of fandom he’s missing out on right?!

I get it; you’re upset that the Rangers most productive offensive player and fan favorite bolted for the arch rival Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Is burning $100 really worth it? Does it make you feel better? Yes, essentially your #32 jersey is now worthless and pointless to own but c’mon people it’s not nearly as bad as you think and I can prove it.

There is no denying that Josh Hamilton put up some incredible numbers during his five years here in Texas but he is now on the wrong side of 30 and no one really knows how old is body is with his past abuse history. Is paying him $25 million a year a good idea? Let’s take a look:

Player A: .272/.364/.473/.837 24 HR, 93 RBI, 148 GP, 3.5 WAR $10.25M
Player B: .285/.354/.577/.930 43 HR 128 RBI, 148 GP, 3.4 WAR $13.75M
Player C: .304/.380/.479/.859 15 HR, 61 RBI, 147 GP, 3.2 WAR $3.625M

Any Ranger fan knows that Player B is clearly Josh Hamilton but who is Player A and Player C? We will hold off for a second on that because I want to make a point. These are last year’s salaries and we all know Josh Hamilton makes $25M a year now, which is what the Rangers would have had to pay him this year to keep him so we will assume that to be his salary. Player A will probably get somewhere between $10M and $13M is my guess and player C will stay the same. What I’m getting at is that for roughly HALF the cost of Josh Hamilton you can have two players that are equal to, if not better than the production of Hamilton. Player C is David Murphy who we all assume will be the Rangers everyday left fielder for 2013 and Player A is Nick Swisher. Hate the man all you want, bottom line is the guy is not that bad with the stick.

Think about all the money that’s being saved from letting Hamilton walk. With that money you can easily sign Elvis Andrus to a long term deal (It’s being reported by Ben Rogers that Elvis has told agent Scott Boras to start negotiating a long term contract extension with Texas.) and you allow yourself flexibility in the free agent market this year and next! Why overpay for an aging outfielder who seems to have lost his passion for the game?

If you’re a football fan you remember all the talk last season of the “Dream Team” in Philadelphia and how miserably that failed. Anyone remember the 2003-2004 “Dream Team” Lakers when they had Karl Malone, Gary Payton, Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal? They were manhandled in the finals by the Detroit Pistons. A collection of the best all around players in the league doesn’t always accumulate into championships. Team chemistry, players knowing their role and passion for the game is what brings you championships. And for the final two months of 2012, it was clear that Josh Hamilton didn’t have the passion it took to win. That was assured to us on a sunny afternoon in Oakland when Hamilton dropped a routine fly ball in centerfield.

There is a reason that the Rangers have one of the best farm systems and front offices in the game today. Jon Daniels knows what he’s doing, Nolan Ryan knows what he’s doing and the Rangers know what they are doing.

Besides, there’s this kid name Jurickson Profar, you may have heard of him? Yea, give him two years and you’ll be saying Hamilton who?


Billy Casey

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)
Dec 022012

Josh Hamiltons Free Agent Purgatory: Alternative Landing SpotOver one full month has passed since the Detroit Tigers hit the snooze button on the 2012 Major League Baseball season. Thirty days throttled passed without Josh Hamilton finding a new suitor for his services.

Yes, only 21 days left for X-mas shopping and no Hamilton news. Yep, the Mayan Apocalypse might occur with Hamilton still a RangerWhatever, I have credit cards that won’t expire until 2014 so I call BS on the whole Mayan thing.

Regardless, it looks like we’re going to have to be patient before plotting the destination for Hamilton’s next venture. You’ve got to love learning a lesson about patience from the dude that swings at the first pitch like his bat is on fire.

Heads up on the front row, bro.

So where will Hamilton finally land for 2013 and beyond? Some think it will be here in Texas. I would have been excited about that possibility in, say, mid-May. Now I’m ready to cash-whip Zack Greinke and give Craig Gentry or Leonys Martin a shot at center.

I feel that a viable suitor has been right under our noses this whole time and yet I haven’t read one single character—not even a full word, brah!—about this completely obvious scenario.

So which team is it? Here’s a hint: it’s not the Texas Rangers. Pittsburgh Pirates? Yeah, right man. Brewers? Ha! Dodgers? Huh-uh. Hanshin Tigers? Wouldn’t that be hilarious?

Nope. Josh Hamilton is going to sign a contract with the…

Harlem Globetrotters.

Yep, those guys.

Oh whatever, you’ve got to give the Globetrotters their propers, man. Without them there’d be no And One; there’d also be far too few ironic nicknames—a bald dude named Curly! Get it?  A fat guy named Slim? Oh, you crazy sons of guns, you!!

Seriously though, Hamilton could play a mean power forward in Harlem, I’m willing to bet. Still not convinced? Here goes.

Why Josh Hamilton Would Be a Great Globetrotter

No walls 

Yep, in the wonderful world of professional basketball, there are no pesky walls to run into, lest your crack-ravaged body splinter and explode like a stone tossed through a glass house.

BONUS: No greedy third base coaches to make you run when you don’t want to. It’s pretty much “Hamiltopia.”

• Superglue for the Splintered Ego

It became quite obvious at times this year that the big man’s fragile ego was put to the  test. Or maybe it was the nicotine withdrawal. Whatever. Anyhow, sometimes all you need to get you out of a mild depression is a sweet nickname. And, according to the White Boys That Play Hoops Act of 1994, all caucasian men that play professional basketball, must be nicknamed “Professor.” Why? Because Vanilla Ice was already taken and nobody wants to go by Snow (not even the Canadiens.)

• Minimal Effort Means Wins

Much like Hamilton is always trying to hit two home runs with one swing, the Globetrotters skirt the easy layup for the backboard-bruising dunk.

Besides, Washington Generals have about as much chance of winning as the Baltimore Orioles do in a one game playoff…wait a minute…

• No Sherlock’s in Harlem

Yep, as far as I know, there is no Sherlock’s in Harlem. This is good because it will help to keep Hamilton’s bathroom love affairs in check. A successful offseason is predicated by keeping the Toilet Bowl Betties to a bare minimum.

• All Games Indoors

Did you hear that, Hambone? All games are inside! Yep, no more weird contacts or half-assed excuses about why you can’t hit during the day.

• No Need to Worry About a Big Contract

No need to fret about a fat contract when you’re playing for the Harlem Globetrotters…mainly because, well, you won’t be getting one! Seriously; I’m pretty sure those dudes work for 2.13 an hour plus tips.

• No Spring Training in Arizona…

Or anywhere else for that matter. Come on, we all know that Hami doesn’t want to actually put in any extra work! Plus, all that whip cream on the nipples—not to mention crotch shots at local Arizona watering holes—well, it’s damn hard on the skin.

Josh Hamiltons Free Agent Purgatory: Alternative Landing Spot


VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)