Jul 312012
soto copy

UPDATE Soto will now be joined with former battery mate, Ryan Dempster. Dempster, snatched away from the Yankees by Rangers GM Jon Daniels moments before the deadline’s time limit, has a 1.55 ERA with Soto catching. The Rangers traded away two Single-A prospects—INF Christian Villanueva and RHP Kyle Hendricks. As long as you kept your receipt on your Geovany Soto jersey, you should be able to get your money back.

Geovany Soto: A Rangers Trade that truly Baffles, Unless...UPDATE: Dempster in the Hizzy

“Your beard is no match for mine, Mark Harmon…even when I’m clean shaven. Besides? Can you hit big league pitching 19% of the time?! I thought not!!!”

So, the Texas Rangers have acquired catcher Geovany Soto and an unspecified amount of cash from the Chicago Cubs for pitching prospect Jacob Brigham.

Since Yorvit Torrealba has been designated for assignment, it is presumed that Soto will function as the backup catcher.

The unspecified cash will most likely be used immediately to get really, really drunk. Because that’s what you do after getting shellacked 15-8 by the Angels.

I suppose it’s time we get to know the man named Soto.

Yorvit Torrealba vs. Geovany Soto

• Wow. Yeah, if UFC had fighters of this caliber, they’d have folded years ago.

• Soto has more pop. Torrealba has more slap. This isn’t Soto’s fault. When you spend this much time manicuring your beard, you don’t want to get punched in the crumb catcher.

• Soto, while flailing about aimlessly in the batter’s box, is more likely to doink one out. Torrealba will kick an umpire’s ass.

• Seriously, have you ever seen a player talk smack to the umpire after a swinging strike call?

Potential Derisive Nicknames and/or drunken proclamations to scream or chant (at your own risk)

Geovany Soto: A Rangers Trade that truly Baffles, Unless...UPDATE: Dempster in the Hizzy

“Hello Ranger Nation, I’m television’s ‘Geovany Soto.’ And I’d like to show you how big boys groom themselves.”

• Yes, Yorvit’s peculiar first name and its rhyming qualities will be missed. Pronounced “Yore-veet,”
“Tore-E-Habla” every time he did something dumb—like get himself crossed up on a fastball he called for—the keen drunken fan could easily proclaim:
“Yep! More sheet from Horri-ablah!” However, you must be careful, as Yorvit will climb into the stands Ty Cobb-style and kick your ass. He’ll also drink your beer, and eat your nachos while staring awkwardly at your significant other. He could pull this off because nobody on the field even noticed he was gone.

• Aside from the basic “Hey Geovany, where’s the rest of the boy band?” There is very little in his actual name that lends itself well to drunken exclamations, but I’m going to try anyways.

Geovany So-So

• Tidily sums up his career as well as capturing (rather optimistically) the level of excitement his arrival brings to Arlington.

Geovany So-terrific!

• Should Soto go completely nuts a la Napoli last season—yeah right—there will be no shortage of tee shirts with this moniker.

Geovany So—god **** awful, is tha* th* best yo* got *or us Jon eff*** Daniel*—Terrible

• Only rolls off the tongue well after beer number 18.

Top-notch facial hair

Geovany Soto: A Rangers Trade that truly Baffles, Unless...UPDATE: Dempster in the Hizzy

Oh c’mon, we all used to have this poster.

• Soto’s pristine fur-camouflage is clearly 80-grade. Normally, a beard of this quality comes with an angelic singing voice, skinny pants, and at least four other pre-pubescent 30-year-old dudes that provide background dancing, during performances at the Golden Triangle Mall.

• Okay, that’s a little mean-spirited on my part. I should never make fun of the Golden Triangle Mall.

• I do foresee a potential relationship between Soto’s beard and Koji’s sideburns. Really, that’d be quite beautiful. The unruly ‘burns from the wrong side of the tracks; Japanese-tough, no doubt. Soto’s chin strap and mini-stache, making eyes at that fluffy goodness from the get go…

Geovany Soto: A Rangers Trade that truly Baffles, Unless...UPDATE: Dempster in the Hizzy

Those bad boys mean business.

It’s a baffling trade, unless…

• Yeah, all kidding aside, I’m truly baffled why we move one subpar backup catcher for another. Sure, Soto is four years younger, but a .195 batting average is exactly that. Unless…

Maybe, just maybe, the Soto move is a precursor to bringing in Matt Garza or Ryan Dempster. And if that was the case, it makes a lot more sense.

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  8 Responses to “Geovany Soto: A Rangers Trade that truly Baffles, Unless…UPDATE: Dempster in the Hizzy”

  1. Ryan Dempster fools! I’m looking for a solid comp. Is he as good as Colbyashi, or a little bit better. He lacks the playoff experience but I believe he gets more ground ball outs.

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  2. I am not familiar with NL players, but here are a few thoughts.
    1. We will hopefully have a good advantage for a while just because he’s from the National League and AL batters aren’t used to him.
    2. He will be playing with his battery mate! Nice way to get that one done, JD! I read that he has a very impressive ERA with Soto.
    3. He’s an experienced veteran, so we get not just a good pitcher, but someone who will hopefully be calm, steady, and ready to impart some of that to our younger pitchers.
    4. He’s nearing the end of his career (I’m assuming, since he’s in his mid-30s) and a World Series ring might prove great incentive.

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    • Susan,

      First and foremost, thanks for the comment and I appreciate the read! I think you have some excellent points. I do feel that the fact that Dempster has pitched against A.L. foes only sparingly (really just in inter league match-ups) will prove advantageous. I think Albert Pujols has hit him well over his career, but after last night, I see no use in throwing anything even remotely close to the strike zone to Captain Poo.

      I think it is especially cool that Dempster will get to throw to his fellow former Cub, Geovany Soto. I believe that Dempster has a 1.55 ERA lifetime with Soto behind the dish. Jon Daniels, you are a true ninja of the highest order (assuming there’s a ranking system the ninja’s mysterious counterculture).

      The fact that Dempster is a savvy veteran, as you mentioned, is also a definite plus. You’re right, his calm leadership and advanced feel for the art of pitching—even without a plus fastball—is something that all of our young core of pitchers can benefit from witnessing first hand. As far as I know, all reports are that Dempster is a true professional, and a great teammate. The fact that he has seen it all over his lengthy career I feel will pay big dividends down the stretch.

      You’re right, at age 35 Dempster is no spring chicken, as I feel that 35 is the “baseball age” equivalent of about 50 for the rest of us (making Jamie Moyer 137 in baseball years). And hey, if the potential for a World Series ring isn’t the best incentive of all, then why the heck are you playing baseball, right?

      I’m super-pumped about his stay with Texas for the remainder of the regular season and into October! I’m pleased to say that I just bought tickets for his debut tonight, and here’s hoping he not only earns his first win as a Ranger, but our bats knock that smug California smile right off of C.J. Wilson’s mug.

      Go Rangers!

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  3. I’m envious you get to see tonight’s game. If I could, that’s the one I would have chosen to see.
    I forgot …
    thought # 5
    We get a new infusion of nicknames and gruber-isms. lol
    Have fun at the game. I hope it’s incredible.

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    • It was a pretty awesome game. I kept waiting for Dempster to compile consecutive shutdown innings, but it just never happened. However, I feel he’s going to be just fine. RBIA is a tough place to pitch and the Angels’ offense has been ridiculously hot lately (still losing though bwahahahahaha!)

      I’m always down with a new load of nicknames. I can’t wait until Dempster elevates his game from “Dumpster” to “Da Pimpster.” I don’t think it will take more than a start or two. And, naturally, I’m stoked for the “Blizzard of Flaws” to return to the “Wizard of Oz.” Best nickname of yet, though, Mike the “Oltimate” Warrior. Good times.

      Thanks again for your contributions in the comment section (something we’re trying to improve) as well as visiting our site! Make sure to stay tuned for our next Baseball Do Field Trip.

      Go Rangers!



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