May 302012

A popular expression to help one get over the occasional dire dealings of daily life goes as follows:

“Well, it’s better than a swift kick in the pants…”

I’m not so sure if that one makes me feel any better after the Texas Rangers were out-hit, outplayed and outpitched by the lowly Seattle Mariners last night.

After all, isn’t a 10-3 thrashing exactly the same thing as a roundhouse in the royal rubies?
Rangers look to Derek Holland to erase bad taste from Terrible Tuesday
Seemed that way to me.

It’s cool, there’s always a silver lining…yep, even when your favorite baseball team picks up a sledgehammer to play piñata with your privates…

• Mike Adams surrendered 3 runs and recorded no outs. His Zero innings pitched means, of course, that it never really happened.

• Elvis Andrus is still on fire—as only he and Craig Gentry recorded more than one-hit against Jason Vargas, Seattle’s apparently sullen and sleep-deprived lefty.

• Josh Hamilton hit his 21st home run of the season…remember last season he hit only 25 all year, and during his 2010 MVP campaign managed “just” 32…

• 21 home runs in 50 games is astounding, but to add additional weight, consider this:

• In 1993, on his way to 46 HRs, Juan Gonzalez managed just 16 dingers through his first 50 games.

• In 2002, A-Rod ended up hitting 57 long balls. Of those 57, only 15 were hit through his first 50 games.

• The year was 1999, and we partied, by god, like it was, indeed, 1999—the great Rafael Palmeiro wound up hitting 47 taters…he had just 14 through the team’s first 50 games.

Okay, if those tidbits didn’t help lighten the gloom, you can always fall back on this one:

Blame Roy Oswalt:

The Texas Rangers are now 0-1 since signing the Wizard of Os.

Still no help? Well, I’ve got nothing for you pal. Except for this: The Seattle Mariners have already used up all of this month’s run supply and have none left for tonight.

Poor Seattle, you don’t get roll-over runs

Get ready, it’s a mustache-less Derek Holland taking on Cliff Lee-deal giveaway, Blake Beavan.

Holland did so well without his cracker mullet that minus his lip mistake we might expect even greater things. Fewer creeped out kids, regardless.

Derek Holland (4-3, 4.05 ERA, 1.17 WHIP, 8.3 K/9) versus Blake Beavan (2-4, 4.38 ERA, 1.28 WHIP, 4.7 K/9) will take place tonight with the first pitch scheduled for 7:05 at the recently rain-swept Rangers Ballpark in Arlington.

Go Rangers!

Rangers look to Derek Holland to erase bad taste from Terrible Tuesday

Yes, you can rub my Nads all over your body.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>