As far as the Rangers are concerned, Roy Oswalt and Ryan Dempster are just two pitchers trying to help Texas reach the playoffs for a third-consecutive season.
And that’s all fine and good—as well as accurate—but what this fails to address is the blooming statistical relationship between these two veteran starters. Folks, Demples and the Os might just be becoming besties..like, totally.
Their statistics are so alarmingly similar, they definitely have plenty to talk about…hey, when it comes to assessing potential lasting relationships, who needs tarot cards when you have statistics?
Eerie statistical similarities over their first three games
• Ryan Dempster:
“Hey everybody, I’m whacky!”
IP: 17 1/3, 8.31 ERA, 24 hits, 16 Earned Runs, 16 Ks, 6 BBs, and 5 HRs
• Roy Oswalt:
IP: 17 1/3, 7.79 ERA, 35 hits, 15 Earned Runs, 16 Ks, 4 BBs, and 3 HRs
Other likenesses:
• Ryan Dempster (DOB: 5/3/77) is slightly older than Roy Oswalt (DOB: 8/29/77).
• Both are right-handed…whoa, I’m starting to get a little freaked out here.
• I’m reasonably certain that both had mullets in high school, and each currently own at least three Pearl Jam albums…
“Hey man, I can be the life of the party too man. Check out my over-sized hat man!”
I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. After all, those numbers are essentially meaningless and hold zero weight until they are presented to Chan Ho Park for further inspection. Fortunately, I pulled some strings and was able to get everyone’s favorite Ho to weigh in on the matter.
As I’m sure you guessed, he was extremely pleased. I mean how often does he get to see two pitchers who had an even worse time during their first three starts with the Texas Rangers than he did?
Um, not very often. Okay, never.
Consider the Park Ho’s stats from back in 2002, his first year (and, unfortunately, not his last year) with the Texas Rangers:
IP: 16 1/3, 6.61 ERA, 20 Hits, 16 Earned Runs, 13 Ks, 3 BBs, and 2 HRs
So, even though Chan Ho has resigned from his previous career of being a professionally horrendous hurler, his prior success at suckdom is more than enough to lend his Oswalt and Dempster assessment plenty of industry heft.
So, what do you think of the two blooming besties, Ho?
Don’t let the suit fool you. Chan Ho is still whacky.
“I think they better be best friends—quick. They both so shitt* they need arm to cry on. Tear towel only thing hairy arms good for now! Hahahahaha. Roy small enough to leave plenty of bullpen bench for Dempster. Hahahaha. At least they have good taste in music, though. Pearl Jam best band ever. That song Black change my life.”
And there you have it.
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